


Nothing Feels Better Than This

by WhenIFindLoveAgain



Series: The Girl Started Dying, It's Fine [11]
Category: (여자)아이들 | (G)I-DLE
Genre: Anxiety, Anxiety Disorder, Declarations Of Love, Depression, Established Relationship, F/F, Falling In Love, First Love, Love, Mental Anguish, Mental Breakdown, Mental Health Issues, Mental Instability, References to Depression, Sad, Sad Ending, True Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-22
Updated: 2020-08-22
Packaged: 2021-03-06 19:02:10
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 826
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26043919
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WhenIFindLoveAgain/pseuds/WhenIFindLoveAgain
Summary: Miyeon tries to navigate her long-term relationship with the love of her life, Yuqi, who suffers from depression and anxiety. But, all in all, nothing feels better than when Yuqi is in her arms
Relationships: Cho Miyeon/Song Yuqi
Series: The Girl Started Dying, It's Fine [11]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1844320
Comments: 3
Kudos: 12





	Nothing Feels Better Than This

**Author's Note:**

> I'll be frank; this is very sad, and, it's a insight into people in love and otherwise in relationships with people who have mental health struggles. Please take care of yourself xxx

Miyeon and Yuqi lay on their bed beside each other, the white linen with the thin pale and blue and yelle stripes in odd spots fresh and warm from the summer sunlight coming in through the stained-glass bay windows of their bedroom, the summer sunlight also landing on them, warming them and keeping them warm.

"I know this is what you like out of me." Miyeon told Yuqi. "This is want you want out of me, out of life. And all the time I just think about how much I love you even though you're so sad."

Yuqi's eyes that had been teary on and off for months and years looked up to the cream-painted ceiling where the vintage English-woman's dressing bustle that Miyeon and her Dad found at a flea-market when they were out together on weekend a few months ago hung from the ceiling, now converted from a under-dress garment to a hanging feature which every couple of days in the warmer weather had fresh flowers tucked into little cuts around the barring of the garment, and, occasionally, candles if they kept an eye on it so they didn't burn themselves alive in their house.

"I don't know if I can do it like this." Yuqi admitted. "An every day thing...but, tomorrow, I won't get it at all and then I'll want it to be a every day thing again..."

"We can take it as we have to." Miyeon told her. "Some days if you don't want to know me, I wish it wouldn't be like that, but, it's ok. Some days if you want to stay over or you don't want to do that at all...it's alright too."

"Are you sure?" Yuqi's head tipped to the side. "Because it really isn't ok. It's so bad."

"I just want you to know I'm always around, ok, whenever you need, whatever you need." Miyeon said. "I know sometimes that it's a issue to you, and, you hate me, and, other days you sort of quietly observe it, take a comfort in knowing that I'm still around. You've always got something in me, Yuqi, you do understand, love?"

Yuqi nodded after a little while. "Can I stay a little while longer?"

"Of course you can."

Miyeon sometimes wished Yuqi wouldn't shrink over little things she said that came from a place of lover, of care. Yuqi was a masterpiece of double-meaning, a near manic craving for care and love due to her depression and axiety, and, then, such a horrific sense to be alone, to kill anyone out of her life, the desire born from guilt and shame and regret and burden.

People always said how it's hard for someone to live, suffering and working through day by day like Yuqi.

But no one ever said how hard it is for the someone who loves them.

Miyeon's hand covered Yuqi's gently before she entwined their little fingers, not wanting her touch to feel like a dead weight, a unwanted anchor, on Yuqi's body with Yuqi's state of mind.

"I'll always love you." Miyeon whispered to her.

Yuqi's eyes slid close painfully. "I don't want to hear that right now." She said.

"Stiff shit, it's true." Miyeon told her grimly. For all of Yuqi's trauma and sadness and hurt, Miyeon still searched and talked to the part of Yuqi that was warm and bright and loving with her korean dramas and music and all else she liked; her vintage fashion and vintage dreams, the dreams of having a rose garden with a cottage in the countryside when she was older. Been away from the world, left to her own devices, but, able to bring in anyone and everyone she might ever need and want. 

Yuqi looked at her with eyes full of fright.

"I'm not having a go, love, I'm just telling you." Miyeon told her soothingly.

"I already know." Yuqi went on the defense.

"So why do you never believe me?" Miyeon whispered, thinking to all of the times when Yuqi was in a state of blind panic and insecurity and torture, begging for security, begging for forgiveness, begging for help, begging for care, begging for love, begging for promise, begging for all the world and all the world within her being.

Yuqi turned onto her side and cuddled into Miyeon's side, face in the crook of her neck. For all the terrible things, the sad things, the loving things, the happy things, Miyeon couldn't do without Yuqi. She needed her in her life, wanted her in her life. Yuqi was the ultimate spark; she was Miyeon's first love, and, ultimately, the one true love. Nothing felt better than this, Yuqi been with her, loving her, wanting her, needing her, not being able to be without her.

Hold me, Miyeon's heart pleaded silently.

"Hold me." Yuqi whispered, hot tears from her eyes falling down and wetting the skin of Miyeon's neck and her hair.


End file.
